I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
