I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
