Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
