Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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