Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
