Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I take back everything I said about communal showers
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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