Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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