My room smells like vodka and shame
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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