She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
