Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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