Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
