Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
