Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
