waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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