Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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