why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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