i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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