Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
