there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
