Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She even gives head with a lisp.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
