you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize