some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
