2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
