Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
BRING THE BAGELS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
