You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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