I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
