dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
