just survived the first fart of the relationship.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
