I think i peed on brittanys purse
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
