Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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