I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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