Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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