after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My pussy is not your playground.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
