Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My ass is underappreciated
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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