people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
