He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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