the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
