i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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