If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
