Umm I'm too high to move.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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