Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
