how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Girls should come with a carfax report
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
