Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
