my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
