Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
