the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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