hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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