How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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