We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
