I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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