have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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