Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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