Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
