tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
