he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
