The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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