oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
