I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
