There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
