just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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