if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
