I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
