Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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