omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
