I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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