1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
