if you like me you must not know who I am
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need moral support for this bender
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
