We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
