it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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