can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize