i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
