Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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