My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize