if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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