How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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