Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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