phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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