She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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