i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
